Up Scheidt Creek

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TRIVIA:

“If you jump out of an airplane without a parachute, does that make you brave, or stupid?” asked Jacques Plante. In 1959, he became the first NHL goalie to regularly wear a protective mask.

…heh, t’ onliest protective masks they be wearin round here be on young folks, that acne scars cream stuffs. Other’n that, they don’ bother. Well, what would they be wearin em for? Plowin? Too hilly fer motorcycles, not nuff kids fer football, an no planes ta be jumpin outa. So, who needs em? City folks wi’ no sense doin dangerous stuff, that’s what.

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Trivia:

The bikini wax has been around for hundreds of years. Muslim brides-to-be in the Middle East and North Africa remove all their body hair before the wedding night.

…ain’t that somethin. They shore don’ care nothin bout that round here. Heck, brides round here be jes fine wi’ nothin, an iffen they be older, er a widder marryin a second time, all they be carin about be they supply a Lipovox an makin sure his will be in order, that’s what.

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TRIVIA:

The Chevrolet Corvair compact car wasn’t actually ‘killed’ by the author Ralph Nader in his scathing book, “Unsafe at any speed”. The design of the car had run its course from 1960 to 1969 and sales were drastically affected by the Ford Mustang and GM’s own Camaro.

…I recollect t’ Corvair. Don’ take much, since ole Barney Spark down valley way still got him one. Keeps it up real nice, he does. He bought it brand new from t’ dealer in t’ city. Seems ta me that there dealer mighta argued this here fact, what with him goin broke an losin everthin ta one a them commercial collection agencies, all cause no one wanted ta buy t’ Corvairs he had all over t’ lot.

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TRIVIA:

Cheesecake was invented in Ancient Greece and served to athletes at the very first Olympic Games.

…ya don’ say. Nex’ time I eat it, I’ll think on that. I don’ eat it very much, only when we goes ta t’ city t’ see m’ boy, an he takes us out ta that there fancyy diner he like so much. Got a whole catalog a cheesecakes an cheese an sausage an stuff though. Lookin at t’ prices, they be mighty proud a what they sellin. It be a Christmas catalog. I got a ton a em inna mail aready. Not all cheescake. Some is toy deals, some is electronic deals, some is clothes deals, you name it, they thinks I got t’ money ta pay ten prices fer it.

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TRIVIA:

Some cultures (especially those in sub-Saharan Africa) give their children names with meanings such as “ugly,” “disagreeable,” or “crippled,” to make them undesirable to demons.

…well, now, that there kin leave a person prit near speachless. Thinka what would happen iffen everone done that? Hill folks would be real interestin… Cowpie Smith, Dead Drunk Jones, an Muleface Murphy. An city folks? Well, my oldest boy, the one what moved ta t’ city, he allus be sendin me pictures a t’ grandbabies he takes wi’ one a them newfangled digital cameras what imprints stuff on em. Kin you jes see me showin off pictures a Lil Smogsnoot an Litterbabe? Hmph. Don’ make no sense atall.

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TRIVIA:

In 1728, the philosopher Voltaire got rich by outsmarting the lottery. When the French government accidentally created a raffle where the prize money was significantly larger than the cost of all the tickets combined, Voltaire and his friend formed a syndicate, bought all the tickets, and won.

…seem like don’ matter where er when, they be folks what’s cheatin at somethin’, don’ it. Cain’t hardly find no honest folks no more. Take ole Butch McClesky from over t’ hill. He taken ta orderin thangs cause they be cheaper, an that leaves him more drinkin money. Well, he bes’ lay off t’ drinkin when he be orderin’. Or mebbe he really did get cheated… he done ordered hisself a new set a jumper cables fer his ole pickup. When they come, durned iffen they wasn’t HDMI cables instead. Ain’t got no clue what them are, but ya shore ain’t startin no pickup wi’ em.

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TRIVIA:

William S. Gray, A. Sterl Artley, and May Hill Arbuthnot were once three of the most widely read authors in the United States. They were the authors behind the Dick and Jane series for school children.

…hey, I recollect that there book set. They was one down ta t’ schoolhouse when I were goin’, I ain’t tellin’ how many year ago. T’ kids in that there story had a dog an a cat. They didden have no fish. I like fish. My ole man calls em jes furniture ya gotta feed, but I like em. They’s all peaceful an sech. Ceptin when they’s fightin’, anyhow. My oldest girl done found out bout me likin fish, an sent me a whole bunch a stuff fer m’ tanks. Like this here heater thang from that internet place wi’ t’ funny address, http://www.aquariumguys.com/aquarium-heaters.html. I shore be likin that thang, an so does t’ fish. Now I ain’t got a whole buncha dead fish ever time m’ ole man fergits ta shut t’ door inna winter time. Ya woulda thoiught he was born inna barn, as much as he does it. My girl tole me they got all kinda aquarium heaters an sech, an it didn’t take her no more n’ some clicks ta find jes t’ right one. I were fussin at her bout t’ money, an she jes laughted, said it cost a whole lot less then what I pays ta replace t’ dead fish ever winter, so I jes shut up.

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TRIVIA:

We have Thomas Jefferson to thank for mac’ n’ cheese; he brought home a macaroni-making machine in 1789 after serving as ambassador to France.

…well, don’ that beat all. Here I were thinkin’ it was that Edison feller what invented everthin’. I know there be a lotta folks what wisht he hadden invented nothin. Like Mrs. Mollie down t’ other side a t’ pike… her youngun won’ quit yellin fer a PS2. What t’ heck IS a PS2 anyhow? I dunno. What I think t’ kid needs got less ta do wi’ gizmos an more ta do wi’ chores. Kids what does chores learns a lot an ain’t got no time er use fer sech nonsense, that’s what.

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