Up Scheidt Creek

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TRIVIA:

Arnold Schwarzenegger is so adamant his children do their laundry, he’ll reportedly set fire to any of their dirty clothes left lying around.

…ain’t that th’ guy from t’ bad man movies, what took ta politikkin, an be so unconvincin bout it he cain’t even git his wife ta support his party? Yeah, that sound like him. Iffen he wasn’t so all fired busy bustin back n forth wi’ his governin an his restaurants an wine clubs an la de da parties, mebbe he woulden hafta set fire ta t’ laundry his wife oughta be doin anyhow.

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TRIVIA:

Magician Penn Jillette (of Penn and Teller) has named his first baby daughter Moxie Crimefighter Jillette.

…seem like some a his magic potions musta done gone ta his head, don’ it? There be a Moxie down inna valley, though. One a Henry Harkin’s boys. Ain’t never done him no good. He sure ain’t GOT no moxie. Stays home most a th’ time, cause he’s a little teched inna head. Jes go to t’ store ever now n’ agin, buyin peanut butter an incontinence supplies. No one was never sure what he be doin’ wi’ em. An ya askin me, which ya didden, there jes be some thangs I don’ WANNA know.

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TRIVIA:

The World Health Organization states that by the end of the century, usage of tobacco could claim 1,000,000,000 lives.

…it couls also make folks like liver, but it ain’t real likely. I git real worked up at folks what keeps sayin thangs what were never bad fer ya before be bad now. I think they all be ownin stock in them there exercise equipment companies what tells folks ya gotta excercize jes so. Most folks here inna hills smokes er takes a chaw ever now’n agin. We ain’t usin no newfangled excercise stuff neither, jus a day’s work, nuff sleep, an work s’more, wi’out all them chemicals an diet thangs, an mos’ folks here lives jes fine. Lotsa us make it over a hunderd year old. Them city folks should outa put down t’ yoga books, pick up a corncob an have a relaxin smoke. T’ relaxin do more’n t yoga any day.

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TRIVIA:

Oceanside, California teacher John Corcoran admitted that he taught high school for 17 years without being able to read or write.

…well, I’ll be. I dunno how he got that fer wi’ it, ceptin mebbe it cause it were Californy. Land a th’ fruits an nuts, y’know. I don’ see how ya kin make it in ever day life iffen ya cain’t read, m’sel’, an I reckon I be purty glad I be real good at it. Auntie Sadie, now, SHE cain’t read fer beans. An it be a bad thang, cause she4 allus be gittin down ta t’ store an brangin home a bottle a weight loss pills stead a her vitamins cause t’ bottles look so alike. Not that she don’ need ta lose weight, but really.

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TRIVIA:

The presidential candidates missed a lot of votes in the Senate in 2007. John McCain missed 57%, Barack Obama 40% and Hillary Clinton missed 27% of votes.

…now, how r’ heck we spose ta git t’ kids ta not play hooky from school when t’ big wigs keeps playin’ hooky from they jobs? Onliest thang I kin think of, iffen we threaten em that iffen they be keepin it up, they is shore ta become politicals. Or mebbe one a them what sells travel insurance down valley way. Them folks ain’t been ta a whole lotta schoolin neither. Way they adds it up, ya pay em all that there money an it be a GOOD thang, even iffen they does refuse ta pay when somethin’ be happinin’. Don’ make no sense.

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TRIVIA:

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

… well, I better commence ta yellin, then, cause it don’ look like this here newfangled coffee makers my grandson done brung me be plannin on perkin up no coffe anytime soon. Wonder how come them younguns cain’t understan that sometimes t’ old ways be better. Never had ta sit an stare at m’ perkylater ta know iffen it be workin, an in all these years it never let me down, neither. Reckon I’m a gonna be pullin it out now, too. Silly newfangled machines.

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TRIVIA:

There are more living organisms on the skin of a single human being than there are human beings on the surface of the earth.

….y’know, there jes be some thangs I don’t wanna know. That be one of em. I cain’t think all scientific bout it when I hears it neither. In my mind all them little buggy thangs crawlin round got pinchy little people faces, like them commodity brokers down valley way. Cain’t ya jes pitcher em running round making folks sick a purpose? Give me t’ willies ta think on it, it shore do.

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TRIVIA:

The odds are 1 out of 4,615 (.0216%) that you were injured last year opening a plastic “clamshell” package.

…well, then, it looks like I be pretty good at beatin’ t’ odds, don’t it. I wisht someone would tell that t’ m’ grandson. He be allus after me ta be more careful, an be buyin insurence. Course, he be SELLIN’ insurence, might have somethin’ ta do what it. What t’ heck do I care bout that there medicare advantage stuff he keep pushin’ in my face? It don’ feed t’ chickens er mop t’ floor, now does it, so I don’t think it be much help. I ain’t been t’ th’ doctor in thirty year, an I ain’t plannin’ on it, neither. Ya donb’ git really sick till they tell ya ya is, no way.

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TRIVIA:

One of Hewlett Packard’s first ideas was an automatic urinal flusher.

…well ain’t that somethin’. Who’d a knowed they’d be windin up makin cars? Ole Maggie, what runs that there Sea Pines rental place down inna holler, she had one a them cars fer years till it started smokin real bad an she sold it down ta th’ used car dealer. Don’ know why she calls her place that, neither. It ain’t nowhere near t’ sea atall. Don’ make no sense.

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TRIVIA:

West Virginia is the only state in the Union to have acquired its sovereignty by proclamation of the President of the United States.

…West Virginia, yeah, I got a friend from there. She come ta t’ Ozaeks ta marry ole Lute Bilger some thirty year back. An she keep swearin’ iffen she ever gits enuff money all ta oncet in her checking account, she gonna go back ta there an visit her Momma.

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