Up Scheidt Creek

Welcome back!

OKAY…..

A healthy individual releases 3.5 oz. of gas in a single flatulent
emission, or about 17 oz. in a day.

…whover wrote THAT ain’t never met non a OUR menfolks, did they?
Specially on ham and beans nights. Our mens eats eggs, drinks shine,
eats beans, drinks more shine, an any one could power a tracter by
hisself. I’m thinkin they need ta rerun the learnin on that one.

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CIVIL WAR:

The total number of Americans killed in the Civil War is greater than
the combined total of Americans killed in all other wars.

…hard ta believe when ya hear em goin on these days on the radio.
Civil war. Its a wonder them damn Yankees ain’t killed us all in our
sleep. People up north is jes taught all wrong. These days they is even
teachin the North WON that war. Can y’ belive it?

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WAR TRIVIA:

The shortest war on record was fought between Zanzibar and England in
1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.

…shore wish they was tat short round these parts. Heck, we got feuds
in this county been goin fer generations. Ain’t nobody doin no shootin
these days. Jes other stuff. Like th time Cletus’s boy snuck in an
replaced Shorley Amos hair soap wi’ bluin. Wern’t THAT a fit, lemme tell
ya. That girl done liked herself way too much, anyhow. Brung her down a
peg.

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TRIVIA FOR THE DAY:

The only repealed amendment to the US Constitution deals with the
prohibition of alcohol.

…probly jes as well. They was pretty much ignorin it round here
anyhow. Got ta have moomshine fer medicinal purposes, y’understand.
Weren right, them govment revenuers tellin people they can’t. Thought it
were still banned, though. Word is a little slow gettin round ta these
parts, sometimes.

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HANKY PANKY TRIVIA:

The first-known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in
2000 BC.

…I ain’t doubtin it worked, neither. Iffen them Egypt women slathered
in croc poop, I’m bettin they menfolk didn get ta feelin frisky enuff ta
begat nobody. An what do ya tell younguns when they ask? They is there
cause the poop weren’t stinky enuff? Sheesh.

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PEOPLE, PLEASE! READ THE PREAMBLE AND INTRO! THIS IS A FICTIONAL BLOG!
STOP SENDING ME REMEDIES FOR MOMMA’S WARTS!

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HISTORIC CHANGE:

The 1st US Minimum Wage Law was instituted in 1938. The minimum wage was
25 cents per hour.

….th first? Ya mean theys been another? Sure can’t tell in these
parts. Ya put all that time inta yer crops, an when ya sell em, ain’t no
minimum wage ta pay ya more. Minimum wage is der city fellers. Them what
can’t take care of thereself an needs govment ta do it fer em. Always
felt powerful sorry fer them folks.

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TODAYS WISDOM:

Grand Rapids, Michigan was the first city in the US to put fluoride in
their water.

…I hope they caught the rascals who done it. Round here, we ain’t
holdin with nobody poisinin the wells. Get nuff trouble when things fall
in of their own accord, like Mamie Keller’s cat. They got it out an it
lived, but tthey was drinkin fur for weeks.

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